The new TV hit, Heated Rivalry, offers an intimate look into a budding sexual relationship between two male hockey players. Viewers of all genders and sexualities have swooned over the couple, lauding the focus on consent and emotional safety in sexual intimacy.
Join relationship and sex therapist Sophie Talmadge Silleck, LMSW in exploring how we find emotional safety and navigate consent in our sexual relationships through the lens of popular queer show, Heated Rivalry.
Heated Rivalry: An Unexpected Sensation
I’ve watched Heated Rivalry close to 15 times at this point. It’s safe to say, I’m obsessed. And I’m far from alone! We’ve all witnessed this show become ubiquitous. The last few months have seen the lead actors go from no-names to household names.
To what can we owe this surge in popularity? At the core of the show, it’s an adorable love story. Amidst the world we live in, joy can feel scarce. Between ICE raids and new Jeffrey Epstein files being released, the public are yearning for something positive. Some relief! Enter a show about love and intimacy where consent is front and center, and communication is a part of the foreplay? Heated Rivalry has given many of us the lift we need.
Navigating Consent in Sexual Intimacy
So what is it about Heated Rivalry that gets everyone, well, heated up? Sure, the explicit scenes are part of the equation. But anticipation, longing, and explicit consent are the building blocks of this romance.
When watching the show, we connect with the desire and longing that builds tension before anything intimate or explicit even happens. This anticipation heightens the intensity of their connection. It also helps bring the audience along for the ride.
Part of the build up of tension is through Ilya and Shane, the couple of the show, consistently communicating about sex. Consent is explicit, something we don’t always see represented in media. And certainly not in a sex-positive, consent-can-be-sexy kind of way. Consent is sexy. Wanting to make sure your partner is into what you’re doing and asking them directly if they’re enjoying themselves is hot. It demonstrates a desire to give our partner the most amount of pleasure in the way that they want to receive it.
The Role of Emotional Safety in Sexual Intimacy
The emotional vulnerability exhibited by Shane and Ilya helps us see the role that emotional safety plays in good, exciting sex. It takes time, but we see them become more open and honest with each other. These are two men who both struggle with expressing feelings for one reason or another. Ilya grew up in Russia with a very strict father. We as the audience bear witness to how his family treats him. Feelings are definitely not a topic of conversation. Throughout the show, we also see how Shane’s autism presents and his struggles with identifying his feelings as well as the meltdowns he experiences when overwhelmed. But despite these challenges, they push through because they want the other to understand the depths of their feelings. They want their partner to know what is coming up for them emotionally, not just physically.
When this level of emotional safety is present, it often makes sex more appealing. Sex is inherently vulnerable because it’s a position, no pun intended, that most people don’t see us in; allowing someone access to your body and personal space requires some level of trust. It feels safer to try new things, express what feels good, and ultimately have fun. And that’s what Shane and Ilya show us: the intensity and passion that stems from vulnerability and openly longing for each other.
Interested in reading more about Sophie’s take on sex and safety? Loved Heated Rivalry? Check out Sophie’s feature in Men’s Health: So, Your Girl Really Likes to Watch Gay Sex. Here’s What That Means for You.
Want to work on your relationship with sex? Sophie is taking new clients! Read more about working with her here.
